Not a girl, not yet a woman: a rambling post of uncertainty PLUS Party Request PLUS Great News!

23:09 Amy 6 Comments

I'm another year older and have (maybe) burst forth into the gardens of womanhood.

Happy Birthday to me! photo from Flickr's Creative Commons by Will Clayton
I might be having an existential crisis. I don't know whether or not I'm a woman, rather than a girl, because I don't know what it means to be a woman.

I certainly don't have any glamorous silk throws...

I'm twenty five now. Last year, I had trouble remembering that I was even twenty four. My mind seems to be stuck at twenty three. I wrote 'twenty three' on a form at Chiang Mai immigration. The stern grey lady behind the counter pointed my error out with a jabby finger of disdain. My little joke about forgetfulness in my old age didn't go down so well, I'll assume because of the language barrier.

Wishing on novelty candles is ridiculous, but chocolate torte is tasty.

I had dinner with friends to celebrate my twenty fifth birthday. Small and intimate party at Why Not Italian Restaurant, amazing pizza and wine and massively chocolatey, hugely delicious birthday torte from our favourite cake shop Butter is Better.

We accidentally bought novelty candles that re-lit themselves once you'd blown them all out. Whoever invented un-blow-outable novelty candles was extremely inelegant and not thinking clearly. How are you supposed to make a wish on a birthday candle that re-lights? It's like the wish fairy thought about granting your Big Birthday Wish, then thought "nah" and sent it back, vividly ungranted.

glorious days on We Heart It.

But, I had birthday luck after all! My Big News

That's right, my big news is this: I have a wonderful new job! I did a demo lesson and an interview on my actual birthday and it was brilliant, and a few more interviews and chats later and I have a new job! I'm moving onto bigger and better things in a brand new school, and I can't wait to start. It's very exciting and I love the school and I really like everyone I've met there so far - students and future colleagues alike. This is definitely an adult-thing that I'm very happy about, but I will miss my old students the friends I've made there a lot. We're moving into a new house - a better house. I'm going to buy some glamorous silk throws for it. I'm so excited!

What is a woman anyway!?

Childhood is behind me, so are the dark and sparkling years of teenagedom. My early twenties don't count as adulthood, they were just practice I reckon. Perhaps it was the wine's influence, but the lyrics to the deep and meaningful 'Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman' by Britney Spears really spoke to me on my 25th birthday night. Have I now left that land of girl/woman uncertainty, stepped over the threshold and placed both feet firmly into the wonderlands of definite womanhood? I certainly find myself doing more and more adult/womanly things these days. I have a mint plant, for example. It's not even dead yet.

In the past, I think it was easier to know if you'd become an adult. There were obvious 'you're an Adult, Harry' milestones - a good job, a house, a husband, a good income and a child or three - stuff like that. What are they nowadays? Is adult/woman just an age? Maybe I've been a woman for ages already.

I know those feels, Harry.

Is it now simply unacceptable that I just sorta hope that there'll always be someone else around to help me understand tax forms? 

I had mine thrust into my hand by a busy secretary at work last week. I don't have a clue what to do with it, so it's sat in my Abyss Desk Drawer - so named because once a document goes in, it rarely comes back out. I suspect an Abyss Desk Drawer isn't a very adult thing to have.

Perhaps now that I'm a woman, I will be the one that people come to for tax form advice. Oh shit.

I want to party like it's the noughties

I'm going to visit England soon. I'm going to see my family and all my best friends, and we're going to have a big party. I'd like to make a request! Let's have a party like we're not grown ups at all! Because we're definitely not too old for a fabulous noughtie party. Er...?

Photo from Flickr's Creative Commons by allieosmar
Can we have way too much colourful food - rainbow cakes, cookies and mashed potato and a rainbow buffet explosion (with edible glitter)? And punch, and wine, of course. All the girls will arrive early and put loud music on and get ready. Maybe there should even be fairy wings, and panda masks, and other such things. The first thing we'd do is celebrate Britishness by having a tea party, with scones (hopefully pink ones). And we'd eat and drink and dance and people will play guitars and do stupid things. My friend Emily told me about a game called Slap Shots and we must play that, too. And if anyone dares to mention taxes or mortgages or payment schemes or clubcard points or passive income or Nietzsche* on this one night, I shall scream, long and loud.

* you can mention Nietzsche if you do it in a non-dickish way.

gif from

Sounds good, right?

She's pretty sure these posts will be your cup of tea:


  1. ah, poo ..... if you - as my daughter - think you are now a woman, then I must definitely be one! (oh, and I don't have any glamorous silk throws either ..... does a woolly scarf count?)

  2. Party sounds good :) & don't worry, you won't get any grownup adult like talk from me!

  3. Okay. Where to start. I have no silk. I'm nearly 26. The Iris plants i bought last week have already died and the narcissus aren't looking good. So far, the only flowers that are living are the ones that my glowin the dark science play set told me to get. They're kept alive by Indian tonic water, because I can't even keep flowers alive with normal water =( And we forgot to buy food for Yoshi so she's moody. I'll attempt the silk throw and keeping things alive tasks when I'm older.
    p.s my fairy wings are ready and waiting.

  4. Hey Amy! It's nice to read some insightful writing from you. Thank again for the test and I strongly hope I didn't mention Nietzsche yesterday xD
    Or if I did I hope it's not so dickish haha

  5. Congrats on the new job! I am so glad I found your blog! I'm visiting Chiang Mai and traveling solo in early April and your tips and reviews are incredibly helpful! I am excited to keep following along!



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